Sunday, August 12, 2012

Life: Exile in Broville

Figure A: The douchebag and his douchebag-ette. 

All intelligent life forms have disappeared. This planet has been replaced by species of an over-tanned, over-sexed, and over-confident nature. They have muscles and spiky, greasy hair. He's known as the gym douchebag. The fucking fucker who bench-presses half his weight and thinks he owns the world because of it. He wears Tapout t-shirts, cargo shorts, and is still hopelessly tied to his college frat boy years. Never seen without a baseball cap, always got some busty slut--the female version of him--on his arm. God forbid they let this guy into a music festival. His public drunkenness is annoying and he feels the need to announce it at all times. You wish that was it.

But its not.

From Caveman Circus. Oy yoy yoy.
Meet the hipster douchebag. This motherfucker thinks he is hot shit. He goes to great lengths to make everyone look at him. He is an attention whore. He goes to art school. His parents fund his inane art school tuition so he can be a holier-than-thou douchehole and play in his shitty band while bragging about how many followers he has on Twitter or Tumblr. Might look homeless, though he really isn't. Sole purpose in life is decide who or what is cool, and then spend the rest of his life thinking he's an authority on the matter. He may or may not actually be cute, but just have an overwhelming amount of confidence. But one thing is certain. He is a fucking douchebag. And his hair probably looks better than yours. And his jeans fit tighter. Still wish that was it?
....

Kyle Gallner in Jennifer's Body. Note, he actually isn't an emo douchebag...I don't think. But this is how they look. I am also aware this is a very long subtitle. Sorry.
The emo douchebag. It's a bit debatable as to whether or not he's emo. He might actually be, but it's a bit confusing because now you have the kids who think they're "scene" or whatever. They shop at Hot Topic and think they're cool for doing so. They left behind all their screamo/metalcore appreciation and started listening to Skrillex and other dubstep. Like the hipster douchebag, they take pride in shunning people who don't look like them and becoming the authority on what's acceptable, which is highly ironic seeing as they see themselves as misfits...but whatever. May actually just be rich white kids with no real problems who just turn their lives into one big melodramatic episode. First world problems a must. Don't have to cut yourself, but some may do it because like the hipster douchebag, he is an attention whore

Those are just three of the douchebags I know of. Pretty sure more exist, but I can't think of any more. Point is, the world is being overrun with douchebags. This is a flip-flopped society in which assholes are being praised and people who aren't as being shunned. This is a society in which Jersey Shore abortions get more attention than the Olympic contestants. Can we please just go back to the times when you actually had to be talented and be a normal, awesome person to get anyone to pay attention to you? Douchebag girls and guys will forever remain the top of the species when it comes to getting dates. I know this firsthand as the girl on the other side of the spectrum. Trust me. I don' care if I come off as misanthropic as Daria. It's better than getting fucked by a guy who has absolutely no conversational value, is orange, and has shrunken testicles from all of his steroid usage. Grody.

1 comment:

  1. you are simply stunning! i'm falling in love with your style!Would you happy have an italian fashion blogger as friend?
    i invite you to see my blog...and if you like it, we could follow each other! what about?
    a big kiss from Italian style!
    miriam stella


    is fashion my Passion? the MiriamStella's Blog
    MY FACEBOOK FAN PAGE CLICK HERE

    ReplyDelete